Parenting advice 101

When are the parents of the current crop of students going to learn some basic parenting skills? Herewith my wish list of parental characteristics:

1. Get over the idea that it's quicker if you just do things yourself. They'll never learn to do anything from making their lunch to washing their clothes if you keep on doing it for them.

2. Stop saving them from the consequences of their actions unless the consequences will result in death, permanent disability or an emotional scar that would last a lifetime. By the way, a detention does not fit into any of the categories above.

3. Stop the automatic reflex of answering every question they ask. You can't be there forever by their side. You do them a bigger favor by using guided discovery. Ask them how they think they could solve the problem or answer the question. Keep asking guiding questions until they discover how they can find the answer on their own....a useful skill.

4. Set rules and consequences that are realistic and that you can enforce. They are smarter than you think and very quickly figure out that if there is no consequence that you will actually follow through with then they need not follow the rule.

5. Be aware that all children lie to keep out of trouble or to avoid certain things. Really, did YOU manage to finish all your homework before you got home from school? O.K., nothing has changed.

6. You are the parent which is not the same thing as the friend. That means sometimes you will have to do things the child will not like. Things like say "no" to the week-end party when you aren't allowed by your child to verify that a responsible adult will be there. When the child screams " I hate you. You are ruining my life" you say " I'm not in this for popularity, I'm in this to see that you DON'T ruin your life with poor choices because I love you." Don't be intimidated by threats.

7. Do not think for a minute that the important lessons in life about drugs, sex, alcohol etc. are covered in one big talk so you can check it off your parenting things to do list. It is covered multiple times, over and over in the course of several years in lots of mini conversations. I will always remember my husband picking up a quarter from the floor in store and handing it to the cashier. As we walked away I asked him why he did it and he replied, "because my children were watching." Your examples of your values resonate more than you know.

O.K., I'm done.